I met ‘Paul’ on a popular dating site after having been a member for three months and not really being anywhere near finding someone I could connect with. I was about to leave the site when I noticed Paul had added my profile to his favourites. I wasn’t sure at first, he seemed too good to be true but my friend encouraged me to add him to my favourites and then see what would happen.
He emailed me through the site, saying how flattered he was that I’d added him to my favourites and we began a web chat that evening. He gave me his number and we talked until the small hours. He sounded intelligent, easy going, easy to talk to, I felt like I’d known him for years. We arranged to meet the following Friday night at a pub close to me, even though he lives 40 miles away. Throughout the week we talked a few times, still intending to meet up that Friday night. However, he stood me up, I couldn’t get through to his mobile phone and he wasn’t answering his home phone. I sent him a text, telling him off for standing me up and then he called me, apparently devastated that he hadn’t been there. He said he’d been waiting for me to call to confirm things but I couldn’t because his phone was off!
After he’d apologised profusely I gave in a little and we spoke again the next day and every day for 2 weeks afterwards for hours at a time. We got to know a lot about each other but I’m a very cautious person and I don’t give much away as I’ve been really badly treated and hurt in the past. He told me he was crazy about me before I even met him, that he just wanted to be with me, etc. I laughed and said he hadn’t even met me yet and that he might find me hideous! When I did meet him finally, I fell for him in a big way. He was tall, dark and handsome, everything I’d ever wanted. I tried to overlook the fact that he’d stood me up the first time, even though something was nagging at my brain over and over again.
We stayed at the pub all afternoon. He appeared besotted with me, said he couldn’t understand how my ex had cheated on me because I was gorgeous, etc. He said I’d now met my future husband, that I would be loved and adored, all the things a girl likes to hear I guess. During the following week he came to visit me 4 times, eventually saying that he’d fallen in love with me and he even asked me to marry him! I said no, that it was too soon and that he’d have to ask me again. I was so happy that even when the love of my life, who I’ve never got over, tried to contact me I pushed him away, telling him I was with someone and that I was deliriously happy.
After 2 weeks, Paul began to change. No longer was he the happy go lucky, easy going and besotted guy I’d met and fallen for. He was moody, scruffy, smelly, unkempt and he displayed behaviour to that of an ex of mine who had tried to control my life and beaten me up for dumping him. Paul complained that he was suffering from exhaustion and that he needed blood tests, etc. I’m a caring person and I’ve also suffered exhaustion too so I could empathise with him and offered to take care of him. However, he jumped down my throat, saying “whatever I\’m suffering from you’ve always already had it! ” He really hurt me and I should have then listened to my intuition and walked away but I couldn’t. If I didn’t call or text him he’d have a go at me but if he didn’t call or text me I was supposed to overlook it. All this time he was still on the dating site we’d met on so I had to force him to cancel his membership, which he was really upset about!
Things went downhill pretty fast after that, he insisted that he loved me but was too ill to come and see me. So, I’d drive 40 miles to see him but when I got there he’d be moody and non-communicative and he looked awful. He didn’t smell too good either so I suggested running him a bath to relax him but he just shouted at me. He couldn’t make love to me, his mind was always elsewhere. When we went to bed he’d find that he couldn’t sleep so he left me in his bed alone all night while he watched TV. I’d just about had enough so after that I left him to it.
He eventually admitted that he’d been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, that he’d lost all his confidence and was a shadow of his former self. I felt bad for him so I relaxed a little and called him every day, even from my holiday in Spain, costing me a fortune. When I got back he told me he didn’t want to see me and that he was in a bad mood with the world. I backed off and left him to it, convinced myself that it was over and that I needed to forget it and move on. A week or so later he called me, begging to see me, apologising for taking his illness out on me, scared I was going to dump him, breaking his heart over everything, even calling me names! I arranged to go and see him in a couple of days so we could work things out. I hadn’t seen him in weeks so I just wanted to see what he looked like!
The following night he sent me a text which was the final straw – “don’t come tomorrow, have stayed in Manchester for the wedding.” I didn’t even know he was going to a wedding, much less one in Manchester and if he was so ill how come he could go there and not come to visit me? He said nothing about rearranging, that was it. I was so angry at being lied to yet again that I called him and left him a message to “**** off!” and I haven’t heard a word from him since.
This guy made out he loved me, worshipped me, wanted to live with me, marry me and start a family. He introduced me to his mother and told all his friends about me. Now he won’t even answer his phone and he didn’t even bother to wish me a happy birthday, a few days after we last spoke. I was always there for him, except when he pushed me away. He said that if I cheated on him that he’d destroy me. Well, I didn’t cheat on him but I have reason to believe he has been cheating on me and he’s destroyed me. I thought I’d seen it all and knew what to look out for but girls, if a man says he loves you and he doesn’t even know you that well because it’s very early on in the relationship, get the hell out. He says that to all the girls. In this guy’s case, he was punishing his ex-fiancee for dumping him 2 years ago by collecting lots of women and admirers and getting them to fall for him and his false act.