450-Pound Casanova

I spoke to a guy on the net for over two months on a daily basis. He kept asking me out from the first time we talked but I told him it was too soon.

I asked him if he had a pic and he e-mailed me one. He said he was 5 ft. 10; had dark hair and brown eyes and a moustache. The description matched the pic and I felt satisfied that he was the man in the pic. He said he was ’10 to 15 lbs. overweight’ but I told him I preferred men to be a bit beefy so that was not a problem or concern of mine.

When he came to the door, he was 5 ft. 10 and weighed close to 450 lbs. He was HUGE! He hadn’t shaved; he had greasy hair; he wore a golf shirt that was about 3 sizes too small; he wore pants that hung below his waist exposing his enormous stomach. He could barely make it through my enclosed front porch door! He told me how gorgeous I was and how he ‘didn’t want to go out now’ – he wanted to ‘go upstairs and f_ _ _’ – I told him point blank no.

I rudely excused myself leaving him on the porch and went to make a phone call to my ex husband’s girlfriend as he and I were still platonic friends and I did NOT want to be alone with this man. I was hoping my rude disappearance would make him leave, but no such luck.

My ex’s gf said they would love to join us for dinner at the Mexican restaurant I had chosen and they’d meet us there in 15 minutes. I went back on the front porch and explained to him that we had company for dinner – my ex and his girlfriend! His face dropped but he said okay.

The young, very thin hostess ignored my request for a table when he replied, ‘a booth please’. He couldn’t fit his THIGH into the booth! I then asked again for a table. I pulled out the table as far out as I could so he could fit at it and waited for my ex and his gf to show up, which they did. She kept flirting with him in an attempt to make me angry but I thought it was comical. My ex talked to me and she spoke to him the whole entire dinner. My ex and his gf had had several Margueritas while we, on the other hand, hadn’t had any drinks.

So it was strange when the bill came when Mr. Cross between Jabba the Hut and an Italian Buddha grabbed the check and told them, “your share is $25 and I won’t take a penny more” when their share was substantially more than that. His gf and I left to go to the lady’s room and let the men argue it out.

While in there, she told me he was ‘perfect for me’. I told her he was a creep and I was very turned off! by him. I suggested SHE date him if she liked him so much. She got angry and told me I was ‘too judgmental’. When we got back to his van, he said, he couldn’t wait to get me alone. I told him I take my time before I make love to a man – that my emotional feelings have to come first and that nothing was going to happen here. He lurched for me and I jumped out of the van and headed into the house as quickly as I could with a quick ‘goodnight and thanks’.

The next day I received an e-mail telling me that he was married and sorry he had lied about it but he knew I wouldn’t have dated him if I knew the truth. He thought I was terrific and wanted me for his mistress. He would pay all my bills but he wanted, exclusive rights and that he REALLY wanted what he was ‘sure was my virgin bum’. I wrote back he was a sicko liar and there was no interest at ALL on my part and goodbye.

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